Tuesday, May 5, 2009

...across the room to be a friend....

Do you ever wonder how in the world some people end up on your “door step” when you would never pick them out of a crowd? Certain people come into our lives it seems in such a way that we have no choice but to walk along side them.  These can be some of our most frustrating relationships and yet it seems we were meant to be connected somehow.  There’s a saying that we can’t choose our family but we can choose our friends.  I say sometimes we can’t even choose our friends.

The friend I’m talking about today is one of those people who never seems to take ownership of anything in her life.  She seems to think that life happens to her and she’s along for the ride.  She has no control over it.  Nothing is ever her fault.  Things just happen and she has no choice but to endure life.  LIFE does things to her!  If I didn’t know better I’ld think “LIFE” was a monster!  Some people think of marriage that way.  Marriage is the monster that didn’t make it.  This entity that they had no control over.  Instead of saying “one of us (or both of us) were too stubborn to make any concessions so we decided to go our own way” they choose to believe that this entity did them both in.  I personally do not believe that alcoholism is a disease.  I believe it is an addiction.  However, people find it easier to admit they have a disease than an addiction.  It is socially more acceptable.  I can’t help it if I have a disease.  I can however, choose not to succumb to my addiction.  I think it boils down to taking ownership.

Then there are the excuses and self pity!  Excuses for everything that happens to her.  She grovels in self pity and bases all her decisions on her feelings.  Every sentence seems to start with “I feel like!”   Some people never seem to deal with reality.  That which they know for sure.  I always think that in order to re-group yourself and get on the right track you have to start with what you know for sure and go on from there.  We need a starting point.  

Did I mention the lies?!  This person does not seem to be able to figure out anything on her own because she never tells the whole truth.  There is always lots of guessing on my part.  So when I call a spade a spade she thinks I’m being too harsh.  Finally, when she knows I know she is not being honest with me she starts attacking me with “I don’t think you understand what I mean” or that she didn’t mean exactly what she said.  

OK I think you get it.  I am frustrated with her and have suggested a counsellor and no, it would not be me!  I think some people should only speak with counsellors who will tell them the truth, not simply what makes them feel good.  I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would bother confiding in someone and not tell the truth!  Can you?  Some days I feel so used by her and yet there is this part of me that believes there is hope for her and that if I give up on her she might too and I just can’t do that to her.



Anonymous said...

This "friend" may have crossed your path for YOUR sake as much as hers. It sounds like this relationship will expand your listening skills WHILE giving opportunity to bridle your tongue! It's really amazing how many people simply want to vent and complain and have no desire whatsoever to change (change is scary business remember!)

If nothing else, this relationship will give you opportunity to examine how YOU relate to others and improve that aspect if need be.

Elayne said...

Do you always have to be right Renita? ;-)

Thank God for YOUR ears so I can dump on you! I think I'VE helped YOU develop great listening skills!
God would be the only One capable of "bridling my tongue" I'm sure!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I hope you don't think I was criticizing you!! I've found over time that when I'm frustrated about someone or something, I only need to look at that particular situation from a different view and suddenly I see how God is talking to ME (about me!) and ultimately it's not much to do with the situation at all!

I believe you are a WONDERFUL friend to ALL your friends. God sees way beyond what we see (thank goodness!!!) and so He constantly molds and shapes us into "perfection" ---- as much as we let Him!

Again, I'm SO glad we're NEVER too old to learn SOMETHING.

Michele said...

Ah Mom...I can totally relate! Praying for you and your friend!

Elayne said...

Renita...I know your heart and I do not take offence at things you say to me. I understand what you were saying. And you REALLY are right most times, wouldn't you agree :)
Thanks for your prayers Michele. Yeah, we all rub shoulders with all kinds, don't we!

V said...

Thanks for sharing your blog address with me. Did you just start in April?

I think God allows this kind of person [or a simliar "type"] in our lives for a period of time... some times are longer than others.[ugh!] Think I've heard them described as "grace builders" :-) Makes you want to ask God - "How much grace do I need in this area of my life? I think I'm good now." BUT - we do trust God and allow Him to "grow" us more like Him. ~a

Elayne said...

Thanks Ann! If you scroll down to the bottom of the page you'll see "Older Posts" and that will let you see other posts. I think I started in 2007.