...across the room to be a friend....

Do you ever wonder how in the world some people end up on your “door step” when you would never pick them out of a crowd? Certain people come into our lives it seems in such a way that we have no choice but to walk along side them.  These can be some of our most frustrating relationships and yet it seems we were meant to be connected somehow.  There’s a saying that we can’t choose our family but we can choose our friends.  I say sometimes we can’t even choose our friends.

The friend I’m talking about today is one of those people who never seems to take ownership of anything in her life.  She seems to think that life happens to her and she’s along for the ride.  She has no control over it.  Nothing is ever her fault.  Things just happen and she has no choice but to endure life.  LIFE does things to her!  If I didn’t know better I’ld think “LIFE” was a monster!  Some people think of marriage that way.  Marriage is the monster that didn’t make it.  This entity that they had no control over.  Instead of saying “one of us (or both of us) were too stubborn to make any concessions so we decided to go our own way” they choose to believe that this entity did them both in.  I personally do not believe that alcoholism is a disease.  I believe it is an addiction.  However, people find it easier to admit they have a disease than an addiction.  It is socially more acceptable.  I can’t help it if I have a disease.  I can however, choose not to succumb to my addiction.  I think it boils down to taking ownership.

Then there are the excuses and self pity!  Excuses for everything that happens to her.  She grovels in self pity and bases all her decisions on her feelings.  Every sentence seems to start with “I feel like!”   Some people never seem to deal with reality.  That which they know for sure.  I always think that in order to re-group yourself and get on the right track you have to start with what you know for sure and go on from there.  We need a starting point.  

Did I mention the lies?!  This person does not seem to be able to figure out anything on her own because she never tells the whole truth.  There is always lots of guessing on my part.  So when I call a spade a spade she thinks I’m being too harsh.  Finally, when she knows I know she is not being honest with me she starts attacking me with “I don’t think you understand what I mean” or that she didn’t mean exactly what she said.  

OK I think you get it.  I am frustrated with her and have suggested a counsellor and no, it would not be me!  I think some people should only speak with counsellors who will tell them the truth, not simply what makes them feel good.  I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would bother confiding in someone and not tell the truth!  Can you?  Some days I feel so used by her and yet there is this part of me that believes there is hope for her and that if I give up on her she might too and I just can’t do that to her.