...across the room to scream Part 2....

Well, since my last post I have spoken with a few dear souls who were brave enough to share how they changed their immediate responses! Apparently it is possible and after thinking about it some more I realized that I have also changed some of my initial responses out of necessity!

One of those (not that I've completely arrived yet, but I'm feeling very positive that I soon will have this one conquered) is the habit of sucking in my breath when my husband is at the wheel. Although he has patiently explained for years now that he has no idea what sucking in my breath means when he's at the wheel (most of the time he thinks one of us is about to die) I simply cannot find words for the moment so I suck in my breath! Usually it means I think he is going to wreck my vehicle in some way! Last weekend, instead of sucking in my breath, I cautioned him in what I classified as a definite yet quite audible whisper, "No, NO, NO!" as I cowered beneath the dash of the car when I saw a vehicle rapidly approach our back end as we were leaving our parking spot. Again, it was my immediate response. For me it felt like a healthy change from the immobilizing breath sucking!

Another immediate response of mine (I don't know why I feel I have to tell all my secrets suddenly...ON my blog yet!) is to stand in front of the waste basket cabinet door whenever my husband walks into the room to throw something into the waste basket. It's not that I even know he needs to open that door or wants to throw something away, it's just where I stand when he walks into the kitchen! I do it every time. I can't seem to help myself. The door is under the sink. Why would I stand in front of the oven or refrigerator when he walks into the kitchen. Seems kind of silly. I stand in front of the sink. I'm feeling very strongly that I need to change my position though and will have to come up with a solution. Soon!

And finally, my husband says that when he needs to get my attention all he has to do is go to the bathroom. He claims that as soon as he walks in there, I'm right behind him. It's not like we don't have any other bathrooms in the house. I walk into which ever bathroom he is in! Go figure! It just seems that whenever he walks in there I have something I need to say to him! Before I forget, or before he disappears somewhere in the house that's inconvenient for me!

In retrospect, it's really all about learning to live together, wouldn't you say?

...across the room to scream....

Yes, this is one of those nasty self portraits and yes I know it looks like I'm sticking out my tongue at something but actually it's supposed to look like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs! Why, you ask? I thought you'ld never ask! Because screaming, apparently, is my first reaction to shock! This is not news to me but for some reason my husband seemed surprised by an outburst such as this to something rather trivial to his way of thinking. We were out of town and stopped at a Starbucks before returning home. On our way out of the parking lot we v-e-r-y slowly inched our way over an exaggerated speed bump which caused our car to bottom out. The second I heard the crashing noise my mouth opened and I heard screaming. Extremely LOUD screaming! Then I realized it was my mouth that was screaming. I didn't WANT to scream. I just did! After the noise died down and my husband stopped sticking his finger in his ear to deaden the noise the conversation progressed somewhat like this:

"Why did you scream?"

"I don't know, it just happened!"

"It was just a speed bump. Why would you scream about that?"

"I'm a girl!"

"I can't believe that at your age you would still scream like a scared child." (or something to that effect)

"It was my first reaction. I couldn't help it. Can you control all your first reactions?" (it never crossed my mind at the time but I should have asked him if he could from this day forward control his habit of screaming without any warning whenever he sneezes! I only thought of that right this very minute! That would have been the perfect retort!)

That's when the laughing set in. I'm not sure who started it but we could hardly stop ourselves. Suddenly it just seemed like the craziest conversation in the world and the craziest reaction at my age, apparently!

It got me thinking though. I am in the middle of a 40 day journey to change some of my habits and I wonder whether it is possible to change an immediate reaction. Is it possible to change something that just hits you so suddenly that you don't even have time to think about it before you do it? I would definitely rather not scream when something happens unexpectedly but I also realize that it is my first reaction. This summer I was cleaning my patio doors when a bird flew at me at about waist height. What did I do? I screamed! I have screamed when my husband walked into the kitchen when I didn't expect him and I remember a dream about a burgler in our house who was about to hit me when my alarm sounded. You're right! I screamed! I could write a book about screaming. He is right though. At my age, it's getting a tad embarrassing when I'm out walking with my friends and a cyclist rings his bell to let us know he is approaching and I scream! How can I get myself not to do that, I wonder? Any similar experiences out there? Ideas? Help! I'm a screamer and I can't stop!!

...across the room for my personal review.....

I just read the new Mitch Albom book "Have a little Faith". A quick interesting read and true story about the similarities between an elderly Rabbi and an inner city Detroit Pastor, the characters in the book are the kind of people you want to have in your life. They are interesting, devoted, passionate about what they do and immersed in the lives of the people around them. Neither seem to be concerned about their own comforts and needs and seemingly not at all about their wants. I found a lot of good things in this book about how to live out our faith. While the book kept my attention all afternoon as I read by the fire and keeping in mind Albom reminds us he is not an authority on religion I found that it left me feeling unsatisfied when I finally put it down.

The main reason for that I think is the fact that a search for Truth is not discussed in this book and as far as I'm concerned God and Truth are inseparable. There is really no discussion about the Trinity, or God's greatest Gift to us, His Son Jesus and His work on the cross for our total salvation, the Way, the Truth, and the Life and that no one comes to the Father except through Him. No mention of the blood of Jesus Christ atoning for our sins, and the Holy Spirit who is God in us, empowering, regenerating and comforting us. Personally I just can't gloss over these truths in relating a faith journey.

I get the distinct impression when the author states that he hopes all faiths can find something universal in his story he believes that all "roads" lead to God when the Bible very plainly explains that there is only one way to God and that is through His Son Jesus. I'm very black and white about this and anything less than a clear explanation of God's instruction on how to come to Him leaves me feeling very dissatisfied.

Having said all that, I have to say it was a great read and I wish I could have met the Rabbi before he died. I think I would have liked him a lot!

...across the room to share my reading.....

I am really enjoying the works of Oswald Chambers and the fact that his writing is so closely based on the Scriptures. I just want to share some of my readings this week......I like how He describes our condition and our need: "Sin is a fundamental relationship; it is not a wrong doing, it is wrong BEING, deliberate and emphatic independence of God. Other religions deal with SINS...the Bible alone deals with SIN. The Bible reveals that Jesus took upon Himself the heredity of SIN, not our fleshly sins. Jesus Christ rehabilitated the human race; He put it back to where God designed it to be and ANYONE can enter into union with God on the ground of what Our Lord has done on the Cross."

This week I had a conversation with a young lady who talked about praying the "sinners prayer" as though they are magic words that will set us right with God. We talked about salvation being a matter of the heart. So many people seem to be satisfied that they have "said the sinner's prayer" and yet they wonder why their life seems so empty. God isn't there for them. Faith doesn't work for them. Prayers are never answered the way they want them answered. Nothing works! They don't realize that when their hearts are not right with God nothing will happen. As soon as they turn their eyes off God in an act of disobedience and sin their world becomes dark again. Chambers goes on to say that if there is anything that we have not cleaned up in our lives we will not go any further until we are willing to do what the Holy Spirit reveals to us. If He is convicting us of our habitual lies, deceit, broken promises, willful disobedience, we need to take that step of obedience and clean this stuff up and make right our relationship with Him. Chambers says "obey God in the thing He shows you and ... heaven opens and the profoundest truths of God are your straight away!"

...across the room to keep a plant alive....

I'm really not much of a gardener but there are times I get lucky enough to grow some beautiful plants. This was one of my favourites this year. It was tucked away outside in the corner of our house in my favourite designer planter that I bought for a song. It looked healthy all summer and just kept filling that pot and growing down the sides until it almost touched the ground. Two days ago I decided to bring it inside and hopefully keep it alive and beautiful in my house but just in case I lose my green thumbs this winter I took a picture of it. I even bought a new pot (it IS used to the designer pot after all) and a stand so it can continue it's downward spurts throughout the winter months.

Last November after my sister passed away (why do we say it like that?! She has not "passed away"! She has just moved to a better spot and is waiting for us to join her! She is very much alive today!) a friend of mine gave me a Christmas Cactus which will bloom white flowers every year to remind me of my sister (not that I need a reminder!) who loved white flowers! Can you imagine the pressure I felt to keep this thing alive? I kill every plant that has ever been in my house. REALLY! The other day this friend was over and wanted to see the cactus. Thankfully half of it was still alive and even has buds on it. She took one look at it though and said "Oh, WHY did I give you a plant!" LOL. Now I REALLY have something to prove! Like, can't I at the very least grow cactus?!

hmmmm. I wonder if I could grow thistle? They always look so healthy and hardy in my flower gardens!

...across the room to clean the other room.....

It all started with the old refrigerator that came with the house we bought. Definitely on it's last leg, we decided it needed to be replaced before we faced coming home from a holiday one day to a stinky food mess! As usual I had my sights set on something that wouldn't quite work in the space the former owners had carved out for the small unit now in distress. Although the house was well looked after we had toyed with the idea of making some changes. Long story short, one idea led to another and before we knew it we found ourselves head first into a total home renovation project! With no prior experience to rely on I found myself having to learn at a seemingly impossible rate how to step into the "project manager" position and how to make me look like I knew what I was doing! Thankfully we survived the grueling year long endurance test and finished within the projected time frame. By that time we were both so finished with making decisions that we decided to take a break from making any additional purchases like furniture and a few other items. The one room that suffered from this decision was my laundry room/office. This room ended up being the junk room. I couldn't decide whether I should allow this room to function as a combination laundry/office or just let it be a laundry room and create a little office niche in another area of the house. One thousand and seven conversations weighing the pros and cons later I decided to combine the two. The past six months have been the most difficult for me as I tried to ignore the mess in that room. However lately I noticed that I was having a terrible time trying to keep the rest of my house organized and tidy when I felt like there was nothing I could do about the mess behind that one door in the house! Finally one day I went to the big city and bought all the units I thought I needed in order to finish this room. Thanks to my handy husband we managed to clean up that mess in just two short days! Miraculously my house seems to have expanded by so much more than that one space. I love to keep the door of my laundry room open now because it doesn't bother me at all to have people see what's inside! It is clean, neat and tidy! I never want to leave folded clothes on my dryer any more. I want to fold them on my new table and put them away! As for the rest of my house.....I have no trouble keeping it clean and tidy any more either. I love to walk from room to room and see that everything is in it's rightful place. Had I known it would make such a huge difference in my life I would have done this LONG AGO!

This experience got me thinking about my life and in particular my relationship with God. Sometimes I let an area of my life get a little messy. I might develop a habit that I know is not good or right in God's eyes but I choose to ignore how it makes me feel because there is a certain pay off, like perhaps instant gratification. If I persist in this sin it won't take long for me to let some other area of my life slide. Suddenly I don't want to hear from God so I slack off on reading His Word or praying. My life becomes messy. I have known God long enough that I just simply cannot tolerate something coming between Him and myself for long. I miss Him so dreadfully and soon I will find myself on my knees asking His forgiveness and help so that I can clean up, dust off that sin and throw open the doors of all the rooms in my heart for Him with nothing around to crowd Him out! What a great place to be. May we all be able to keep the doors of the rooms of our hearts wide open all the time! PEACE!

(notice no clothes on the dryer?)

...across the room to dance connection.....

It seems all good things must come to an end...including lethargy!

For the past three years, I've been walking on a regular basis, usually at least 4 to 5 times per week, an hour each day. While this is good for me, especially the fresh air and the company of some good friends, I knew for some time now that I needed to get into more of an exercise program. I didn't feel that the walks were very beneficial anymore and that I needed a more rounded exercise program. While I've never felt comfortable in the very public gym setting I didn't seem to have what it took to start my own exercise program at home. Thankfully there are always people in my life at just the right time to spur me on and that's what happened in this situation. They even signed me up so I had no excuses!

The first session was yesterday and yes, I was anxious. I knew we were allowed to work at our own speed but this is a class setting and nobody wants to be the baby of the class so I did my level best to keep up. We concentrate on one specific area each day of the week. Yesterday was leg day! To my surprise I was able to keep up with everyone except for the last ten minutes. I was so pleased with myself! I know now that all that walking has paid off after all! My legs are in pretty good shape. Well, at least they were yesterday. Today is a different story all together. The operative word when sitting down, walking stairs, getting in and out of the car, is "OOOOUUUCCCHHHHH"! Thankfully today's preferred body part was arms. I almost died in that class today and I know tomorrow's pain will be but a memory down the road but for now I'm shaking in my boots! Wednesday is Abs day. I don't know what I'll be exercising because I haven't had abs in years! If I have some they are so well hidden it will take more than a few sessions to find them! The encouragement? The pain must mean something good is happening to my body and if I keep going sooner or later the pain will vanish and I will graduate to the other side of the building called "Boot Camp"!

(no pictures included due to excessive frown lines on my brow caused by pain in nether regions of my body!)