...across the room to the kitchen with love......

Let's face it. I just simply love to bake. Pastry dough is one of my favourite to work with and I also enjoy working with yeast dough. It's the texture for me. There's so much satisfaction in getting it just right. When the texture is right you know the outcome is going to be fantastic! I know I inherited this interest from my Mom. What a baker she was!

In the O.R. where my husband works the tradition is that when your birthday comes around you bring your own cake. That way no one gets left out and if you do it's your own fault! So guess who gets to make the cake? The problem is I'm not crazy about making cakes and we're not crazy about eating them either.

So I make tarts! Tomorrow happens to be that special day at our house and that means that I spent a good part of the evening in the kitchen and this was the result of my creativity. You're looking at pear, apple, blueberry and chocolate/meringue tarts. We've sampled the pear (oh MY!), blueberry (much complimenting from the birthday boy!) and chocolate/meringue (oh YES!).

Happy Birthday my Darling!

...across the room to Carson City and Starbucks...

This picture was taken at the beginning of our trip. Our second day, actually. We decided to stay the night in Fernie and the next morning as we were packing up our bikes we struck up a conversation with another biker couple who almost instantly became our photographer, posing us this way and that way (I thought she might run off with my camera. She couldn't stop herself from taking pictures!).

Tonight we're in Carson City, Nevada after a 500km trek on "The Loneliest Road in America". After settling into the Gold Dust West Casino Hotel (I'm not sure there are any hotels in Nevada that are not Casino hotels!) we went for an early dinner and a walk which wonder of wonders ended at a rather lonely Starbucks (not too many coffee drinkers in Carson City I guess)! We settled in on their outdoor patio, just the two of us, to enjoy our refreshments and watch our fellow bikers ride by, looking for hotels or places to eat I suppose. As usual, our conversation drifted from one topic to the next until we settled on "what constitutes a date within the marriage relationship" (thanks in part to our son-in-law's blog!) I have to say I enjoy nothing more than going out for lunch with my husband and I think he feels the same way. We would just as soon cook our own dinner at night and enjoy the comforts of home in the evening but there's something very special about having lunch together during the week when he has a day off and these lunches often turn into two hour "dates"! We are both rather spontaneous people and I have to say that the enjoyment of these spur of the moment decisions to do something together far surpasses any planned date we've ever had. One of my friends and I often talk about how our expectations can spoil or ruin things for us. Spontaneous dates are free of expectation and usually end up being full of surprise! For me, a date is enjoying being together even if it's something as simple as going for a late evening stroll, coffee on the deck after the kids or grandkids are in bed, or cooking a meal together at home. And THAT dear friends, is a rather abbreviated version of our coffee date tonight!

...across the room for glue......

I was blessed to be in my daughter's church this past Sunday and thoroughly enjoyed the sermon on marriage.  Two points that caught my attention were:  1.  the concept of two becoming one.  I know that has taken place in my own marriage but it is rather difficult to explain.  This pastor had two small pieces of paper that were sticky on one side.  He stuck them together and then tried to peel them apart.  His illustration didn't work because he couldn't get hold of an edge to start tearing them apart so we just had to believe that when you do try to get two sticky papers like that apart there will not be a clean break.  Each piece will have some of the other stuck on it. I thought it illustrated so well what happens when a couple go their separate ways.  There is no way either can go on with life as though they had never been together.  They take with them some of what they had when they were one.  Rejection, bitterness, disappointment, hurt and pain are glued to each person wherever they go.  I thought it also illustrated very well what happens when two become one and stay glued together.  It better be good quality glue.  Glue comprised of commitment for life no matter what happens all around you and to you is the stuff that binds two people to one another and nothing and no one can get hold of any edge to try to start peeling one from the other.  2.  The second point that made me sit up and take note was when he talked about leaving your parents to join another person and start a new life together.  Of course this included the usual leaving your parents physically where the person and their spouse get their own place to live and support themselves financially.  But as I was driving home I thought about people who did not have a great home to grow up in.  A home where they may have suffered all sorts of physical, mental and emotional abuse at the hand of one or both parents.  I was thinking that unless a person growing up in a home like that could LEAVE that behind as well,  their home could very likely be a repeat of what they had experienced.  I'm sure no one would desire to create an abusive environment to raise their family but so often they end up creating exactly what they determined not to do.  Abuse isn't only what one does, it can also be what one doesn't do. Neglecting the needs of the children God has entrusted to your care is just one example. Children need more than food, clothes and shelter.  They need the very best that we can give them emotionally, mentally and physically and they need to know they are safe with us in all those areas. 

I like one of Dr. Phil's sayings.......there comes a day when any wrong can be made right!  I really believe that to be true.  Healing is possible for everyone.  If your parents mistreated or neglected you there is healing available for the asking.  What a waste it would be to live life as a prisoner of the mistakes of a parent.   Leave the abuse behind by getting the help needed to live a passionate productive and good life.

Sometimes I don't really know why I write the things I write but it just seems to be the thing to do today so I hope it helps someone out there in "blog land"!    

...across the room to raise a question.....

THERE SEEMS TO BE AN EPIDEMIC!  No, it's not a physical sickness.  I'm talking about the number of divorces taking place these days.  It just simply breaks my heart.  Not only do I see the sadness of the loss of the dream of being happily married for life in the eyes of the couples involved....there is the sadness of a loss for the immediate and extended family as well.  Why does it affect everyone so intensely?

I have a saying about difficult situations and that is "go back to the beginning" or "go back to the basics".  So let's try going back to the beginning.  Two people meet, fall in love, announce their engagement not only to their family but to friends and most times to anyone reading the local newspaper.  The wedding is planned, and events like showers are organized to honour and support the happy couple.  Some choose to be married at exotic locations but most times have also been "showered" or there might be a get-together to bless them when they return home. Most times family and friends get in on the celebrating one way or another.  It is one of the happiest occasions of our lives and it is a celebration we like to share with those we love.

The question I would like to ask is that when the couple separates and later divorces, why is it that they often think that it is nobody else's business but their own?  Suddenly all the people included in the celebrating are supposed to forget any of it ever happened?  And heaven forbid they should try to help in any way!    Should this be something both families ought to get involved in?  My sons-in-law have been accepted into my family as my very own sons.  I know I would grieve painfully if they should suddenly leave our family.  I have to wonder if there would be fewer divorces if both families got involved to help the couple through the difficulties in their marriage.   It seems to me that if a group of people could successfully see their loved ones through some marriage difficulty everyone involved wins.  The couple would realize what a tremendous support system they have for any future issues and the extended family ties would be stronger than ever.  I just can't help but think there has to be some way of preventing all this sadness that affects so many more people than simply the couple involved.  What do you think?

...thoughts of summer, weddings, marriage ....

Summer seems to be the season for weddings and this summer is no different.  We have some weddings to celebrate again this year.

I have to say that for myself the whole idea of the big wedding bash/celebration does not have the same appeal it once did.  As a young woman I looked forward to the day I would be the one to walk down that long isle to meet my husband to be.  The idea of a big celebration with all our family and friends with us seemed very exciting and something to dream about and look forward to.  

When the time came for us to get married, what mattered most to me was the vows that we would promise to one another, the reality of a life together forever, and of course the gown I would wear!  I even forgot to order a wedding cake.  It just was not a priority for me.  Our cake ended up being three boxes, all different sizes, stacked, and iced!  There was not a crumb of cake to be found underneath all that icing!!

After being married for 36 years, I am so aware of all that follows that very important day and it makes the wedding day pale in comparison to 'life after the great big fat wedding'!  There is so much fun to be had, such joy to be shared, and so many blessings to experience as a couple. There are also adjustments to make, pride to be swallowed, humility to be learned (humble pie is my least favourite!),  and a life long opportunity to share all of ones self with that one person that we chose from all the others out there to chose from!   A good thing to remember when the honeymoon is over! 

This is the part that seems to dictate just how good the relationship will be.  In this relationship honesty is paramount.  I remember discussing this early in our life together and promising to be honest with one another.  It is risky business.  Or at least it feels like it.  To be completely real and honest about ourselves, our motives, and our intentions will mean that some of the time we won't look very good to our spouse.  We might not even like ourselves much some of the time.  But unless we can share ourselves openly and honestly we will never reach that point of satisfaction we crave in a marriage relationship.  When I think back over the years of my life since my wedding day, it seems to me that it was all those times of raw intimate openness that helped us evolve into 'one' unit.

With another anniversary to celebrate soon I've been thinking about what makes our marriage feel so solid.  We are SO DIFFERENT in personality, interests, professions, likes and dislikes. Strangely enough, we seem to have 'one heart'.  We are soul mates, best friends and lovers.  Our commitment to each other is forever.  We do not allow ourselves to entertain ideas of other options.  It is the two of us together for the rest of our lives like we promised at the altar. There is security, peace and rest in knowing that.  Our priorities are the same.  Our God is the same and we both realize that our thanks for our life has to be directed to Him.  It is because of Him that we are where we are today! To God be the glory!

If there is one piece of advice I would like to give to newlyweds it would be to keep your promises to one another, don't allow yourselves any other options or a way out, and take the risk of being completely real, true and honest with each other.