Tuesday, June 24, 2008

...thoughts of summer, weddings, marriage ....

Summer seems to be the season for weddings and this summer is no different.  We have some weddings to celebrate again this year.
I have to say that for myself the whole idea of the big wedding bash/celebration does not have the same appeal it once did.  As a young woman I looked forward to the day I would be the one to walk down that long isle to meet my husband to be.  The idea of a big celebration with all our family and friends with us seemed very exciting and something to dream about and look forward to.  
When the time came for us to get married, what mattered most to me was the vows that we would promise to one another, the reality of a life together forever, and of course the gown I would wear!  I even forgot to order a wedding cake.  It just was not a priority for me.  Our cake ended up being three boxes, all different sizes, stacked, and iced!  There was not a crumb of cake to be found underneath all that icing!!
After being married for 36 years, I am so aware of all that follows that very important day and it makes the wedding day pale in comparison to 'life after the great big fat wedding'!  There is so much fun to be had, such joy to be shared, and so many blessings to experience as a couple. There are also adjustments to make, pride to be swallowed, humility to be learned (humble pie is my least favourite!),  and a life long opportunity to share all of ones self with that one person that we chose from all the others out there to chose from!   A good thing to remember when the honeymoon is over! 
This is the part that seems to dictate just how good the relationship will be.  In this relationship honesty is paramount.  I remember discussing this early in our life together and promising to be honest with one another.  It is risky business.  Or at least it feels like it.  To be completely real and honest about ourselves, our motives, and our intentions will mean that some of the time we won't look very good to our spouse.  We might not even like ourselves much some of the time.  But unless we can share ourselves openly and honestly we will never reach that point of satisfaction we crave in a marriage relationship.  When I think back over the years of my life since my wedding day, it seems to me that it was all those times of raw intimate openness that helped us evolve into 'one' unit.
With another anniversary to celebrate soon I've been thinking about what makes our marriage feel so solid.  We are SO DIFFERENT in personality, interests, professions, likes and dislikes. Strangely enough, we seem to have 'one heart'.  We are soul mates, best friends and lovers.  Our commitment to each other is forever.  We do not allow ourselves to entertain ideas of other options.  It is the two of us together for the rest of our lives like we promised at the altar. There is security, peace and rest in knowing that.  Our priorities are the same.  Our God is the same and we both realize that our thanks for our life has to be directed to Him.  It is because of Him that we are where we are today! To God be the glory!
If there is one piece of advice I would like to give to newlyweds it would be to keep your promises to one another, don't allow yourselves any other options or a way out, and take the risk of being completely real, true and honest with each other.  


Jobina said...

When people that we know are planning their weddings and there's so much drama and family expectation, I often remind them of what's important...that they are making huge promises to each other for life. The rest is just details.
A cardboard cake, huh? I guess it really didn't matter then that I didn't have one at all. Whew!

Michele said...

I love that post! Thanks for writing it! You and Dad are prime examples of what a great marriage looks like and I feel honored to have been able to watch you so closely growing up! Happy early Anniversary!!!