...a walk across the room to relax?

I'm not even sure I should be writing anything today.  I have the worst cold/flu ever and am stuck at home trying to be good to myself.  Drugs help a lot.  Every morning I wake up thinking today I'll feel a lot better than yesterday and then  realize I have a new symptom and actually feel worse than the day before.  Last night I told my husband "I sure feel useless this week" and he said "No, you need to rest and besides, you are still doing things".  I thought about that this morning.  In spite of how I've felt this week my laundry is done, including bedding, I've put food on the table, made his brown bag lunch every day much to his coworkers chagrin,  and even did a few errands including some office work.  I've kept up with what is necessary daily and yet there is this restlessness about me that I find hard to shake.  I'm talking about all that to my mind needs doing that I don't have the energy to do.  The old adage "Starve a fever, feed a cold" is the one thing I'm pretty good at.  Since I'm an all or nothing kind of girl and have BOTH,  I decided to focus on the later and just continue to eat well! .... or at least lots!

Prior to this weekend I spent two consecutive weeks completely focused on preparing material for a Retreat I was speaking at.  I would write or read for a few hours and then I thought I was doing something good for my body by going for a one hour walk.  Not just any walk.  Definitely not a leisurely walk.  Not this girl.  All or nothing!  Up the hill and down again times three and finding any paths that were not even terrain.  Often I would do that twice per day.  I realize now that those two weeks were hard enough on me without the rigorous  "over exercise" and by the time I was done my speaking engagement I knew I was completely exhausted.

I've always known I have a hard time relaxing at home.  During my years of full time plus on call work my husband would whisk me away to the big city when he realized I was in need of extra rest.  He could always tell before I was aware of my need.  (I KNOW!  What a guy!)  Whenever I think of REALLY relaxing I think of being somewhere other than at home.  Not very realistic I guess.  I can't always be going away to relax.  A nice long ride on my motorbike during the summer months is definitely one of my ways of relaxing.  But I do think I need to learn to relax better in my own home.  I think a good start would be to stop feeling guilty about not having done everything I think needs to be done and just enjoy my beautiful surroundings right where I am.  Live and relax in the moment.  See how good it is just to get this down in print to go back again and again to be reminded?!

Back to my ginger/lemon/honey tea and then another little nap :)