....across the room to share deeply.....

King of my life, I crown Thee now,
Thine shall the glory be;
Lest I forget Thy thorn crowned brow,
Lead me to Calvary.

Lest I forget Gethsemane,
Lest I forget Thine agony;
Lest I forget Thy love for me,
Lead me to Calvary.

May I be willing, Lord, to bear
Daily my cross for Thee;
Even Thy cup of grief to share,
Thou hast borne all for me.

THE WAY I SEE IT.....

I was amazed again yesterday when God used a song to bring me to a new place in my life. A place where I have wanted to be for a long time. The life of a follower of Jesus Christ is a journey and on this journey we never totally arrive....until we get to heaven that is. This journey is a sure thing; it is real, ongoing, and it is marked with hills, valleys, meadows, streams, doors, windows, and brick walls! It is a personal journey and we go at our own speed. Jesus NEVER pushes us. If we want to stop for any reason He lets us do that. Meanwhile He patiently waits until we are ready to take His hand and walk with Him again. While we walk He talks to us, listens to us and makes sure that we have everything we need for the journey. If we pick up any baggage along the way He sits down and waits until we are ready to go on without anything that will weigh us down. So this is where I was yesterday and have been for some time. I picked up some stones and found myself facing a brick wall. Jesus was right there. Sitting! He just simply SAT DOWN! And when He decides to sit everything stops! It's not comfortable there. We THINK it is at times, but it's not. We hang on to those stones, feeling the weight of them, the smoothness and in some cases the rough spots. Some even seem to sparkle and almost resemble jewels. They are not jewels though. They are just stones and there are many where those came from. The more we hold them, look at them, the more we want to take them with us but He says "No, they have to stay here. When you put them down we can continue our journey". I had several stones I was carrying. The one I just had not been able to put down was one I named Anger. For some time now, I have been picking that one up again and again. I put it down for a bit but we didn't get far on our journey when I would go back and pick it up again.

The anger. I believe the anger had accumulated over some time. I called it "righteous anger" because people I loved dearly were being hurt and I was going to make sure they would be OK. I did everything I could think of to help but in the end it wasn't enough. There was nothing I could do to change their situation and I felt like a failure. The anger towards those inflicting the pain was overwhelming and all-consuming. And why did God not do something about these people! Why did He allow them to continue inflicting pain? At the very least, could He not just stop them? I saw no reason why He would not want to do something. Shamefully, some of my anger was directed at my Saviour!

As usual, God was concerned about what was going on in MY life and MY relationship with HIM. He wanted to get MY attention and deal with ME. I belong to Him and I was letting this anger come between us. As soon as we let anything come between us and God our relationship suffers. As I said earlier, He sat down and waited for me to decide when I wanted to scale that brick wall! It was up to me. My choice, and yet He was right there all the time. He never once left me alone!

Not surprisingly, I was behind the wheel once again when He got my attention. The car or my motorbike seem to be the places God meets with me when we need to do some serious business. On my way home I heard the song I posted above. Until then I had been deep in thought about what was going on in my life and the anger that just would not dissipate. "KING OF MY LIFE"! Really? How can I let Him be King of my life when I choose to wallow in this state of anger? (Ephesians 4:26 "...and don't sin by letting anger control you" NLT) Had I forgotten that Jesus had suffered and died for ALL my sin? How could I possibly hang on so tightly to this stone of anger that was weighing me down! I poured out my heart to God, admitting my sin and asking for forgiveness. My right hand shot up as I repeated the song "KING OF MY LIFE I CROWN THEE NOW" and sang along in my broken faltering voice from the bottom of my heart, the depths of my very being with tears streaming down my face. I'm a pro at driving and crying by now. I've had lots of practice! My hand removed that "crown" I had placed on my life and put in on the KING of my life where it should have been all along. I repeated that song at least five times before I could sing without the tears streaming down my face. Then I asked Him if I ever pick up another pebble to please remind me of Calvary. Gethsemane...and His love for me!

So much changed for me last night. First of all the headache I had suffered with for days was gone! Praise God! When I woke up this morning I jumped out of bed, wide awake, ready for this new "anger-less" day. I breezed through every situation today that would have angered me yesterday and was actually able to laugh at some of the incompetence of a business we have had to deal with lately that was driving me absolutely nuts. Sin in one area multiplies like crazy. Anger directed at one or two people soon mushrooms into anger at anyone wrecking up your perfect ways and plans. It's like an incurable disease. However, the Great Physician is all about curing these types of diseases in our lives that rob us of the relationship He offers us. "Greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world!" I feel like I've stepped through a door into a brand new room. I can't wait to explore all the treasures waiting for me in this new place!